Thursday, November 21, 2002

If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again to Blame Rush Limbaugh

Whilst driving home after work last night, WMAL-AM, the local talk radio outlet here at Babylon-on-the-Potomac, played back the recorded remarks of Senator Tom Daschle (D-South Dakota) on why he and his party went down in flames on November 5.

The cause of the Dems' defeat at the hands of the electorate? Why, none other than talk radio in general and Rush Limbaugh in particular. Worse than that, Daschle exclaimed, talk radio incites people to threaten him and his family members, and other liberal Democrats and their family members, just like the Taliban and other Muslim extremists in the Middle East.

Talk radio, says Daschle is DANGEROUS! And you know what? I AGREE! Whilst listening to Sen. Daschle's remarks on that talk radio station, I laughed so hard I swerved off the road and almost killed myself!

But having regained control of my vehicle and my sanity, I began to wonder what in the world would move an allegedly sane man, and allegedly serious politician, to come up with such cockamamy notions. So did WMAL talk show host Chris Core, who immediately surmised that the strain of the election and the agony of defeat must have taken a deep emotional toll on the good senator.

Core may be right. But we here at DPI have another theory, based on the findings of the late great syndicated columnist Mike Royko, who tried to account for some bizarre behavior on Capitol Hill and in the Reagan White House back in the early 1980s.

Royko theorized that just below the Ozone layer protecting the earth against physically harmful radiation is another layer protecting us from other cosmic rays which cause people to do and say some pretty looney things. Royko dubbed these rays "Bozo Rays" and the protective layer blocking them, the "Bozone Layer." But every now and then, noted Royko, holes open up in the Bozone Layer allowing the Bozo Rays through, in turn causing even the most stable people to behave like --well-- Bozos.

Thus the only logical and scientific explanation for Daschle's Looney Tunes antics yesterday is also a very simple one: Sometime after the election, a hole in the Bozone Layer opened up over poor Mr. Daschle's house and did a number on him. And to compound the problem, the hole has been following Mr. Daschle around ever since.

Someone should call the EPA lickety-split and do something about that hole before it widens over the entire Democrat Party.

OOPS! Too late!

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